Have no clue why this would cause someone to unsubscribe. They may have been having bad days, or died and their daughter shut down their substack. Who knows. And hey, all that not being able to... as a 23 year old fresh out of school. Give yourself some slack. I am nearly 60 and bailed on a walk. A 30 minute walk today. And was so proud of eating breakfast I ate chocolate for lunch. I think I am a depressive. (And a whole list of other negative self talk things) anyways... stay calm and carry on.
unpack it and unlock it. And I see it's like a cup of coffee that stands up by itself. A submarine experience for the user but the coffee was probably dizzy the whole time.
This is well written but also a truly tough period to get through. Not sure why this article lost you subscribers? It's really good so seriously don't worry at all.
First of all, hats off to you for managing that level of responsibility at 23! Of all the 23-year-olds I’ve ever known, I could count on one hand the ones who could have done that, neurodivergent or not. Personally, I was barely functional at that age (but that’s another story).
I’m not officially diagnosed (well I was once diagnosed with ADHD comorbid with Bipolar, but that’s also another story), but I have strong traits of both autism and ADHD, which I’ve only discovered in my 50s. Now looking back at the mess I made of my early 20s, I can see that what I thought was laziness, weakness and social anxiety was actually me trying to do things my brain was absolutely not equipped for, and considering that, I did quite well.
Were there psychological repercussions to getting through that situation for you? You did amazingly to go back, talk to your supervisors, and persevere, but I can imagine it would have taken an extraordinary amount of energy.
Thank you so much for saying that. For some reason my work and social environment thought it was an 'easy job'. Guess not everybody takes responsibility seriously 🤷♀️
I can totally relate to the feeling lazy, weak and thinking it's 'just' anxiety. I beatmyself up over that my entire life, until my official diagnosis helped me realize I just have a different type of brain.
Oh I still struggled for the next few years, and it did take an incredible amount of energy to get myself to do everything. I already had an intense fear of failure but that got much worse because of that job, to the point that I even now have nightmares about it. It happens very rarely, but it does.
Well your third paragraph, first four and a half sentences describes me and I’m a retired octogenarian! Ppl bring things for me to do for them, not for me. Instead of begging me to start or finish their project they say ‘you’re better at this than me’. Really? I’m the great procrastinator with a very messy desk and table full of-to do’s. I don’t think I’m ADHA. I think I’m more manic depressive. No sense in changing as I head down the mountain. Minute vacations and psychological absences as sick days has always worked. I’ve learned to live with me.
There is a lot of overlap between ADHD, depression, anxiety, autism and some people with ADHD even get diagnosed as having bipolar disorder. It's great that you have learnt to work with your particular brain, but why do you feel that there is no sense in changing? 👀
As an octogenarian I look back and see I’ve always been this way and I’ve been able to leap the hurdles with only a few trippings. I’m my only protester. And because I’ve tried throughout my years, the me that I am, well that seems enough. Without sounding morbid, ‘cause there’s longevity in my family, I’m close to transition. My closest relatives are nonagenarians and centenarians. We lost a very dear 102 in August ‘24. Our oldest relative turns 106 June 21st. I’m so glad that I live near her. So I could be here possibly a decade or more. So I’m gonna love me.
The one thing it is so important to be aware of is negative self talk. I think if you are in an environment which leads you to have these thoughts, then it is time to leave and try something else. x
Wow, Maggie. I loved this whole piece and especially this quote: I feel like a grape being squeezed between the thumbs of a ginormous toddler. This is SO often what it feels like to try to balance everything. I kind of want to print this on a sign that I can just flash to my husband and kids when I need them to leave me tf alone.
I love the rawness of your articles and your writing. What a breath of fresh air! There’s vulnerability, but also resilience, plenty of it!
I don’t know about my learning moment. What I can confirm is that my critic is one of the worst ones I’ve encountered, my husband also confirmed that too. And that despite whatever I do, it’s never going to be enough. So I have to actively listen to saner voices around me. It’s something that’s I’m trying to learn, to really be kind to myself.
Thank you so much for telling me that ❤️ Yep, our inner critic is usually much worse than anything anyone would ever tell us in real life. It took me daily CBT training to beat the crap out of it 😬
Before my diagnosis I was so so good at doing discrete urgent tasks and I came up with tools to help me not drop the ball. BUT I sucked at doing tasks that weren’t urgent and no one was waiting on. The strategic, big thinking stuff. Now I look back and see how much the dopamine kicked me into gear with those urgent tasks.
Now I work for myself, I find it difficult to kick into gear for non-urgent, no-one-is-waiting-for-me tasks.
It felt like I had no other option, I was very obviously struggling. But I'll take the compliment anyway, thanks ❤️
And yes to finding it difficult to work on non-urgent tasks. It's probably 50% of the work I do with my clients haha! I'll be covering all of that in my book, but it will still take a while until I'm finished with it unfortunately.
HUGS HUGS HUGS!!! So many gems in this post! Not currently in the grips of un-hinged PMS going 90mph on 3 wheels... yet I still I feel the 'grass bothers me viscerally' sentiment. Holy hell YES. Nailed it. 😭😂 And... Great googily gods do you also nail the helpless feeling of being stuck in the grips of ADHD and feeling blindfolded, earfolded, and feetfolded and wondering *what the fuck is wrong with me*???? Thank goodness awareness is catching up with ADHD.
One of my learning moments came when I realized I quite literally forgot shit allllllllll the time. At astonishing speed. Stupid small shit but shit none the less. In my mind one second gone the next. 😭 At least I remembered I forgot shit?? 😂 Then came the Googling. Oh, the Googling! And, the fact that it just might have to do with ADHD because I have 97% of the textbook symptoms lol.
Thanks for this great read that makes me feel a little less weird weird, in the best way. ❤️🔥
Yep, it's so great we can now openly talk about PMS and ADHD (somewhat). A big difference with even just 15 years ago!
Ohhh yes, the memory issues. My partner often tells me something and I'll get really into it, then totally forget, then he mentions something else related to it a few days later and I have zero idea what he's talking about 😂 No fucking clue!
And I'm so freaking happy that you feel less weird weird after reading this post ❤️❤️❤️
Biggest learning moment? Realizing I couldn’t outthink pain.
For years I tried to fix everything with logic. Grief, addiction, heartbreak. But some things aren’t problems to solve. They’re experiences to face.
Once I stopped fighting the feelings and started facing them, things began to change. Surrender taught me more than control ever did.
Appreciate the question. Good stuff.
Oh absolutely. But it is such a hard lesson to learn!
Have no clue why this would cause someone to unsubscribe. They may have been having bad days, or died and their daughter shut down their substack. Who knows. And hey, all that not being able to... as a 23 year old fresh out of school. Give yourself some slack. I am nearly 60 and bailed on a walk. A 30 minute walk today. And was so proud of eating breakfast I ate chocolate for lunch. I think I am a depressive. (And a whole list of other negative self talk things) anyways... stay calm and carry on.
Luckily I'm 38 now and I've learnt not to talk to myself that way. Or at least to catch it early!
I was also not in a very friendly work environment at the time.
As for the walk, it can be hard to do things like that. Why not do a 5 minute one?
Wow. that was a lot to take in.I think.
unpack it and unlock it. And I see it's like a cup of coffee that stands up by itself. A submarine experience for the user but the coffee was probably dizzy the whole time.
Something like that, yes!
This is well written but also a truly tough period to get through. Not sure why this article lost you subscribers? It's really good so seriously don't worry at all.
It was really, incredibly hard. It still pops up in my nightmares even. But thank you so much for saying that ❤️
You're very welcome
First of all, hats off to you for managing that level of responsibility at 23! Of all the 23-year-olds I’ve ever known, I could count on one hand the ones who could have done that, neurodivergent or not. Personally, I was barely functional at that age (but that’s another story).
I’m not officially diagnosed (well I was once diagnosed with ADHD comorbid with Bipolar, but that’s also another story), but I have strong traits of both autism and ADHD, which I’ve only discovered in my 50s. Now looking back at the mess I made of my early 20s, I can see that what I thought was laziness, weakness and social anxiety was actually me trying to do things my brain was absolutely not equipped for, and considering that, I did quite well.
Were there psychological repercussions to getting through that situation for you? You did amazingly to go back, talk to your supervisors, and persevere, but I can imagine it would have taken an extraordinary amount of energy.
Thank you so much for saying that. For some reason my work and social environment thought it was an 'easy job'. Guess not everybody takes responsibility seriously 🤷♀️
I can totally relate to the feeling lazy, weak and thinking it's 'just' anxiety. I beatmyself up over that my entire life, until my official diagnosis helped me realize I just have a different type of brain.
Oh I still struggled for the next few years, and it did take an incredible amount of energy to get myself to do everything. I already had an intense fear of failure but that got much worse because of that job, to the point that I even now have nightmares about it. It happens very rarely, but it does.
Well your third paragraph, first four and a half sentences describes me and I’m a retired octogenarian! Ppl bring things for me to do for them, not for me. Instead of begging me to start or finish their project they say ‘you’re better at this than me’. Really? I’m the great procrastinator with a very messy desk and table full of-to do’s. I don’t think I’m ADHA. I think I’m more manic depressive. No sense in changing as I head down the mountain. Minute vacations and psychological absences as sick days has always worked. I’ve learned to live with me.
There is a lot of overlap between ADHD, depression, anxiety, autism and some people with ADHD even get diagnosed as having bipolar disorder. It's great that you have learnt to work with your particular brain, but why do you feel that there is no sense in changing? 👀
As an octogenarian I look back and see I’ve always been this way and I’ve been able to leap the hurdles with only a few trippings. I’m my only protester. And because I’ve tried throughout my years, the me that I am, well that seems enough. Without sounding morbid, ‘cause there’s longevity in my family, I’m close to transition. My closest relatives are nonagenarians and centenarians. We lost a very dear 102 in August ‘24. Our oldest relative turns 106 June 21st. I’m so glad that I live near her. So I could be here possibly a decade or more. So I’m gonna love me.
Fair enough. Accepting yourself is a beautiful thing!
The one thing it is so important to be aware of is negative self talk. I think if you are in an environment which leads you to have these thoughts, then it is time to leave and try something else. x
It is, but this is before I did therapy and had those thoughts about most things in life 🤷♀️
Wow, Maggie. I loved this whole piece and especially this quote: I feel like a grape being squeezed between the thumbs of a ginormous toddler. This is SO often what it feels like to try to balance everything. I kind of want to print this on a sign that I can just flash to my husband and kids when I need them to leave me tf alone.
Oh please do and send me a picture, that would honestly make my day 😂
I love the rawness of your articles and your writing. What a breath of fresh air! There’s vulnerability, but also resilience, plenty of it!
I don’t know about my learning moment. What I can confirm is that my critic is one of the worst ones I’ve encountered, my husband also confirmed that too. And that despite whatever I do, it’s never going to be enough. So I have to actively listen to saner voices around me. It’s something that’s I’m trying to learn, to really be kind to myself.
Thank you so much for telling me that ❤️ Yep, our inner critic is usually much worse than anything anyone would ever tell us in real life. It took me daily CBT training to beat the crap out of it 😬
If you need extra help, let me know. I’ll have a word with your critic and then we’ll see how it goes afterwards! Haha.
Sending you love 💙
Thanks 😊 Right now I'm doing well! I would love to have a word with your inner critic though, she seems like a real troublemaker 🙁
So so brave of you to talk to your boss!
Before my diagnosis I was so so good at doing discrete urgent tasks and I came up with tools to help me not drop the ball. BUT I sucked at doing tasks that weren’t urgent and no one was waiting on. The strategic, big thinking stuff. Now I look back and see how much the dopamine kicked me into gear with those urgent tasks.
Now I work for myself, I find it difficult to kick into gear for non-urgent, no-one-is-waiting-for-me tasks.
It felt like I had no other option, I was very obviously struggling. But I'll take the compliment anyway, thanks ❤️
And yes to finding it difficult to work on non-urgent tasks. It's probably 50% of the work I do with my clients haha! I'll be covering all of that in my book, but it will still take a while until I'm finished with it unfortunately.
HUGS HUGS HUGS!!! So many gems in this post! Not currently in the grips of un-hinged PMS going 90mph on 3 wheels... yet I still I feel the 'grass bothers me viscerally' sentiment. Holy hell YES. Nailed it. 😭😂 And... Great googily gods do you also nail the helpless feeling of being stuck in the grips of ADHD and feeling blindfolded, earfolded, and feetfolded and wondering *what the fuck is wrong with me*???? Thank goodness awareness is catching up with ADHD.
One of my learning moments came when I realized I quite literally forgot shit allllllllll the time. At astonishing speed. Stupid small shit but shit none the less. In my mind one second gone the next. 😭 At least I remembered I forgot shit?? 😂 Then came the Googling. Oh, the Googling! And, the fact that it just might have to do with ADHD because I have 97% of the textbook symptoms lol.
Thanks for this great read that makes me feel a little less weird weird, in the best way. ❤️🔥
Yep, it's so great we can now openly talk about PMS and ADHD (somewhat). A big difference with even just 15 years ago!
Ohhh yes, the memory issues. My partner often tells me something and I'll get really into it, then totally forget, then he mentions something else related to it a few days later and I have zero idea what he's talking about 😂 No fucking clue!
And I'm so freaking happy that you feel less weird weird after reading this post ❤️❤️❤️
♥️♥️♥️
I choose to believe that our memory holes means we just have more space for our genius to play!!! 😅😂🙏
Sooo thankful I can feel less weird weird, too. 🫶
More space for awesomeness 💫