I’d like to pretend I haven’t … but that would be lying 🤦🏻♂️. I was once told I was like a camp guard …. not a ‘🌈 camp guard’ …. I believe they meant more of a ‘prison camp’ guard. I’m now reformed !
Thank you for this, Maggie. I enjoyed your insights into how to “exorcise the perfectionism demons”. It’s something I work on constantly, and have managed to improve over the years to lessen the pressure I put on myself.
Perfectionism nearly led me to burnout while I was still living in the Matrix. I'm grateful that I'm no longer a perfectionist or trapped in the Matrix. lol Great topic!
Someone said to me once after I released a relatively mediocre live recording of a song online, “Annie, you don’t get it. Everything you put out there has to be perfect.” 🤣 (screw him, right?). I get accused of being a perfectionist all the time. I prefer to call myself “passionate,” and perhaps “obsessive.” It’s one of the reasons I make art, to make the best work I can. It really sucks when you work hard and others poke holes in the achievement by saying “it’s too perfect” as much as it sucks to hear someone say “this is mediocre.”
No I think people just hate overachievers lol. "Little miss perfect" is an insult, and some people in my life use that sentiment to try to hurt my feelings. My work is far from perfect, everything I've ever done is a compromise, but for some people it seems too effortful and they resent it. People value different things in art. Like in visual art, some people value realism and others prefer abstract because realism is "too perfect" (even if it's far from perfect in reality). I am also a musician and the hate is particularly pronounced from punk rockers that find my work. They also hate that I'm educated. People are weird.
Such a good listen! 🎧 Thank you. The link of perfectionism to narcissism uncovers a lot for me as I think about my childhood and some of the patterns that I was trying to dodge (unknowingly) for many years.
Oh yes, it's an interesting one for sure. Didn't want to go into it too much though, because I don't have a whole lot of personal experience with it. Mostly just the self-torture 😉
I think I never heard/learned about perfectionism, its spectrum and origins in such a bite-sized yet comprehensive way you managed to talk about it, Maggie!
Thank you so, so much. This was kind of eye-opening including some useful strategies to cope with the more harmful range of the spectrum!
One of the big wake up calls in my life was when I found out what a perfectionist really was. I thought it worked like on TV where someone is just hyper-capable in everything they do, super bossy, major main character energy.
When I found out that perfectionists often get less done because they were overly critical of themselves, that's when I started to realize that I had perfectionist tendencies. It started to click "Oh that's why when I was teaching myself to draw, I'd go over the same lines 20 times and erase it and try again until I didn't have any erasers left. Why I neurotically compared myself to anyone who was better than me in any way. Why I only stuck to things I was good at once I could do them and never handled failure well."
Yep, I understand. I used the word as a positive trait on my resume for years. But it has stopped me from reaching goals, caused me anxiety, stress and depression. Not a great thing to be doing to yourself.
I relate to all of it. But around 6 minutes, its "shoulding all over yourself," because I have a strong conviction against the word should being thrown around. The next thing word you bring to the table is "standards". Which goes hand in hand with shoulding. I didn't learn this until I was about 17. When we say 'should', it implies we're doing something wrong. I think we automatically interpret it that way. But something clicked when I understood it.
It's a huge part of self criticism (yes I'm listening to this a second time, as I write the comment)..
I think the word should is a heavy standard setter. Then you bring up the black and white thinking, which reminds me of binary thinking. Which can lead to even harsher criticism. (Why am I trying to perfect this comment? 😅) 💜
Best line ever … “you’re being an overly demanding dick to other people” 🥳😂🤣
Haha well... it is what it is! I have had my overly demanding dick moments 😬
I’ll bet 😂😂
?
Overly demanding Dick moments 😬
I’d like to pretend I haven’t … but that would be lying 🤦🏻♂️. I was once told I was like a camp guard …. not a ‘🌈 camp guard’ …. I believe they meant more of a ‘prison camp’ guard. I’m now reformed !
We live, we learn 🙏
Thank you for this, Maggie. I enjoyed your insights into how to “exorcise the perfectionism demons”. It’s something I work on constantly, and have managed to improve over the years to lessen the pressure I put on myself.
This work takes time, but it really helps ❤️
Maggie, thank you for this. A healthy reminder and a friendly course mind correction to focus on progress.
You're welcome Norm, I'm glad it helped 🙏
Perfectionism nearly led me to burnout while I was still living in the Matrix. I'm grateful that I'm no longer a perfectionist or trapped in the Matrix. lol Great topic!
I'm happy to hear you're no longer a perfectionist 💪 It can be so taxing on our mind and body!
100% :)
Wankery!! 😂😂 love it! Thanks!
Hahah but they are!! 😂 Thank you for reading ❤️
My pleasure!! Thanks for writing!! 🌸
YES!!!! They CERTAINLY ARE!!!! Great word!!! 👍😂😂💚
Someone said to me once after I released a relatively mediocre live recording of a song online, “Annie, you don’t get it. Everything you put out there has to be perfect.” 🤣 (screw him, right?). I get accused of being a perfectionist all the time. I prefer to call myself “passionate,” and perhaps “obsessive.” It’s one of the reasons I make art, to make the best work I can. It really sucks when you work hard and others poke holes in the achievement by saying “it’s too perfect” as much as it sucks to hear someone say “this is mediocre.”
How odd that they are telling you it's too perfect. Could it be that they mean something else?
No I think people just hate overachievers lol. "Little miss perfect" is an insult, and some people in my life use that sentiment to try to hurt my feelings. My work is far from perfect, everything I've ever done is a compromise, but for some people it seems too effortful and they resent it. People value different things in art. Like in visual art, some people value realism and others prefer abstract because realism is "too perfect" (even if it's far from perfect in reality). I am also a musician and the hate is particularly pronounced from punk rockers that find my work. They also hate that I'm educated. People are weird.
There is also envy, for sure. I try to only take comments like that to heart from people I give a fuck about, which aren't a whole lot.
Such a good listen! 🎧 Thank you. The link of perfectionism to narcissism uncovers a lot for me as I think about my childhood and some of the patterns that I was trying to dodge (unknowingly) for many years.
Oh yes, it's an interesting one for sure. Didn't want to go into it too much though, because I don't have a whole lot of personal experience with it. Mostly just the self-torture 😉
I think I never heard/learned about perfectionism, its spectrum and origins in such a bite-sized yet comprehensive way you managed to talk about it, Maggie!
Thank you so, so much. This was kind of eye-opening including some useful strategies to cope with the more harmful range of the spectrum!
Thank you so much Fabienne, your comment made my day ❤️ I really wanted it to be clear so I'm glad I managed 🙏
You absolutely nailed it!
Would you say it's... perfect?
Hahaha I had to (my wankery perfectionism demon told me)
Would we say it’s…healthy perfect since it is serving a humbling and healthy purpose? 🤣
Deal 🤝
Fantastic
Thanks Prajna, what resonated with you?
That was really informative.
One of the big wake up calls in my life was when I found out what a perfectionist really was. I thought it worked like on TV where someone is just hyper-capable in everything they do, super bossy, major main character energy.
When I found out that perfectionists often get less done because they were overly critical of themselves, that's when I started to realize that I had perfectionist tendencies. It started to click "Oh that's why when I was teaching myself to draw, I'd go over the same lines 20 times and erase it and try again until I didn't have any erasers left. Why I neurotically compared myself to anyone who was better than me in any way. Why I only stuck to things I was good at once I could do them and never handled failure well."
Yep, I understand. I used the word as a positive trait on my resume for years. But it has stopped me from reaching goals, caused me anxiety, stress and depression. Not a great thing to be doing to yourself.
I relate to all of it. But around 6 minutes, its "shoulding all over yourself," because I have a strong conviction against the word should being thrown around. The next thing word you bring to the table is "standards". Which goes hand in hand with shoulding. I didn't learn this until I was about 17. When we say 'should', it implies we're doing something wrong. I think we automatically interpret it that way. But something clicked when I understood it.
It's a huge part of self criticism (yes I'm listening to this a second time, as I write the comment)..
I think the word should is a heavy standard setter. Then you bring up the black and white thinking, which reminds me of binary thinking. Which can lead to even harsher criticism. (Why am I trying to perfect this comment? 😅) 💜
Yep, the shoulding is part of the self-criticism, and black and white thinking doesn't help. There are so many delicious layers to it all 😅
The point is, you did an awesome job 😎.
Thank you 🥰
Aww i loved this one! 💜
Awesome 😊 Which part could you relate to?
Great tips! Thank you. Progress over perfection is so important!
You're welcome, glad you liked it! And yes, progress over perfection. I have to repeat it to myself too still at times!
That's exactly what I needed to hear thanks you help alot
You're welcome 😊
God bless you and your family forever