This was the first time I listened to your podcast... not sure why I haven't before....I found your voice very relaxing. The easiest answer to all those queations is to live alone! If you want to live in a mess, then there is no one to voice their opinion. 😂😂😂😂
Maggie, this was excellent, super helpful, and really resonated. It actually helped me to understand some things about my own relationship. I especially liked the idea of “dump zones,“ and “clean zones.“
as you know, my partner is ADD, and I am a bit on the over-organized end of things. We have found a good balance. He has his space. I have my space. I don't tell him how to organize his space, and he doesn't come and move things around in my space. It did take some time to teach him the value of putting things back in their homes in the shared spaces. And as I write this I have come to learn that the shared spaces are each governed by either him or me. The kitchen...me...where like things live with like things and things are returned to their homes after use. The garage...him...where things shift around and get laid where they land, and once a year, I put them back where I think should be their "home"
haha…that’s exactly what Hobbit said to me the first time I introduced him to that concept! It took him about 5 years to learn “like things with like things”
A great listen. It's too late now because I'm divorced, but my ex and I still co-habit and i'm generally the messy one, but it's mostly confined to my desk area. I'm very laid-back about mess in general, but what I hate WITH A PASSION is inconsistency and double standards. I'm probably too passive aggressive and it's hard to refrain from bitching, but...if my ex leaves a cup lying around with her teabag in it for days near her work area, I don't particularly like it, but I never get too bent out of shape. Whatever, it's not the end of the world. She also leaves dirty tissues lying around, yet she always claims she's the neat and tidy one and goes bonkers when I don't tidy up. That's it, it's just the damn double standards.
Oh, and she's always leaving the damn lights on and if I mention, she gets all pissy and goes on and on about my faults, messiness, etc.
I think most of us are not aware about how (much) we are inconveniencing each other. And we all assign a different level of importance to things. It sounds like for her the lights, the tissues and cups are details compared to the other stuff that happens at home, whereas for you they are pretty much the same thing. It also sounds like there's tension that has been built up over the years, generating a lot of pressure for both of you.
Great post, Maggie. I’m curious about the link between shame and not cleaning. Is the idea that some people feel shame (for whatever reason) that subconsciously makes them think they deserve to live in a dirty environment?
That could be the case too (there are never too little reasons to feel shame, amirite?), but in this case I am referred to the shame of feeling like a failure because we just can't seem to do something that feels as basic as a pumpkin spice latte. We can see that everybody else manages... So why can't we do it? Oh that's right, because we're lazy, stupid, losers... That kind of shame. 🙏
This was the first time I listened to your podcast... not sure why I haven't before....I found your voice very relaxing. The easiest answer to all those queations is to live alone! If you want to live in a mess, then there is no one to voice their opinion. 😂😂😂😂
Love your name bro
It's ok, I forgive you 😛😉 Haha yep, I live alone now too, but I have lived with others in the past. And thanks for the compliment ❤️
I'll be sure to pay more attention to you in the future.😊
Much obliged 🙏
Maggie, this was excellent, super helpful, and really resonated. It actually helped me to understand some things about my own relationship. I especially liked the idea of “dump zones,“ and “clean zones.“
Oh, and I really like your speaking voice! 🙂
I'm so glad it was helpful ❤️ And thank you 😊
as you know, my partner is ADD, and I am a bit on the over-organized end of things. We have found a good balance. He has his space. I have my space. I don't tell him how to organize his space, and he doesn't come and move things around in my space. It did take some time to teach him the value of putting things back in their homes in the shared spaces. And as I write this I have come to learn that the shared spaces are each governed by either him or me. The kitchen...me...where like things live with like things and things are returned to their homes after use. The garage...him...where things shift around and get laid where they land, and once a year, I put them back where I think should be their "home"
What do you mean, things have homes? 😉 It's great that you guys have found a way to make it work!
haha…that’s exactly what Hobbit said to me the first time I introduced him to that concept! It took him about 5 years to learn “like things with like things”
But for us, that connection changes every week 🤷♀️
A great listen. It's too late now because I'm divorced, but my ex and I still co-habit and i'm generally the messy one, but it's mostly confined to my desk area. I'm very laid-back about mess in general, but what I hate WITH A PASSION is inconsistency and double standards. I'm probably too passive aggressive and it's hard to refrain from bitching, but...if my ex leaves a cup lying around with her teabag in it for days near her work area, I don't particularly like it, but I never get too bent out of shape. Whatever, it's not the end of the world. She also leaves dirty tissues lying around, yet she always claims she's the neat and tidy one and goes bonkers when I don't tidy up. That's it, it's just the damn double standards.
Oh, and she's always leaving the damn lights on and if I mention, she gets all pissy and goes on and on about my faults, messiness, etc.
You see why we're divorced?! 🤣🤣🤣
I think most of us are not aware about how (much) we are inconveniencing each other. And we all assign a different level of importance to things. It sounds like for her the lights, the tissues and cups are details compared to the other stuff that happens at home, whereas for you they are pretty much the same thing. It also sounds like there's tension that has been built up over the years, generating a lot of pressure for both of you.
Great post, Maggie. I’m curious about the link between shame and not cleaning. Is the idea that some people feel shame (for whatever reason) that subconsciously makes them think they deserve to live in a dirty environment?
That could be the case too (there are never too little reasons to feel shame, amirite?), but in this case I am referred to the shame of feeling like a failure because we just can't seem to do something that feels as basic as a pumpkin spice latte. We can see that everybody else manages... So why can't we do it? Oh that's right, because we're lazy, stupid, losers... That kind of shame. 🙏
Ah, thanks—got it. 👍
I went quickly on this episode, might need to explain a little better on the next one!