I literally said in my reply I’m a massage therapist. And yes I have also dabbled in BDSM spaces. But never for money. Yet touching people in any way is still intimate and for a monetary exchange in most cases.
And my response also made me go hmmmmmm must think about these things more. I’ll try to be less nuanced in any responses in this space moving forward.
Such a great read!! 👏🙌 omg those monkey experiments and orphan kid studies are SO SAD 😭😭😭 I’ve never thought of myself as a touchy-feely person per se but I DO love cuddles and hand holding and the like. My daughter is 8 and loves to cuddle still, I’m going to be heartbroken when she doesn’t want to do that anymore 😭😭😭
Hílot (pronounced Hee-loht) in Tagalog means soothing touch. I learned how to do it from an early age. I retreated from touch for a couple years because I'm just coming out of a cloudy season of life. Maggie. You nailed the message of the importance of touch. -Those poor monkeys!- My cousin is recovering from a cold. I don't remember the last time I embraced him. When I did, the familial-generational-ancestral-genetic-human-love circuit completed. Well done, Maggie.
It’s exactly massage. Same principle; however, looking back it was leaning more towards energy work. And as I speak to you, how grateful I am to have been taught that as a child…and as I continue to write…that’s not normal…and, lastly, that explains being different. I’ll reach out once I get out of this rabbit hole.
Great article! :) I think the world is hug-starved, or broadly touch-starved as you said. COVID yes, and I feel like we haven’t recovered yet. I still feel like there’s social distancing in place it feels. Or has there been a really big shift in what’s acceptable? Like people are nervous to shake hands. In like a biz meeting. It’s weird. Gotta think it’s affecting society as a whole in some psychosocial way. (Yes, I do bathe and use deodorant 😂 )
Yep, I see those changes too. I think Covid didn't help but I also notice more division nowadays (genders, sexuality, politics etc) which probably doesn't help.
I moved to America for all that. You know, here I am British and from a very British family who in the midst of the most horrific trauma that destroyed the family as we know it, also decided to be very stiff upper lip about it.
No. No. No.
I needed something different.
I was 14 when my brothers and step father were killed in a house fire. By the time I was 26 ,I was bat shit crazy with addiction issues and fully aware that if I stayed put it would be the end for me.
I needed someone to hear me (my remaining family was still skirting around the elephant in the room that was now having babies, were still in denial).
Anyway touch seemed way off. I felt that all the other senses got fed before touch. And it’s true. I still get ticklish when people touch me now because of skin hunger in my younger. I still say that what I really craved when I was young when my brothers were killed, wasn’t empty platitudes, it was someone to just hold me and hug me and make me feel secure again.
The lesson? Parents hug your kids. Even if you’re British
I'm sorry that happened to you. I can relate, we are not a 'huggy' family either and so when I 'discovered' hugging with friends and partners, a whole new world opened up. Kinda like an 'open the flood gates' situation.
Once upon a time, I told a friend that I don't do hugs. She said: "That's exactly why you need them!" I loved that response so much. But I still don't do hugs.
Umm interesting ! There is something in being massaged by a professional it makes you feel very very relaxed you can’t beat it. I used to love giving a massage rather than receiving it ! It’s a pleasure I can’t really explain. I recommend the hot stone massage ! Beautiful !
An excellent touching into the importance of touch, so your skin doesn’t crawl away from you as if it does not belong. Touching does help us sink beneath our skin to bone deep rest — at home. Thank you, Maggie — fantastic writing.
It’s tough when you been single a long time with kids that are now teenagers. My daughter Never liked hugs or touching only hair beushing ( for hours help) but I used to get cuddles from my son. Now he’s all big and not cuddly. I reeeeally feel touch deprived my body is not Happy but I don’t miss the sex. At least not now in men-on-pause. Sadly my economy is strained as so many others so I don’t put it on massage.
I totally understand. Sometimes you can get very discounted massages or you could ask a massage school, the students usually need people to practice on 🙏
Trained chiropractors being disconnected from the importance of touch is also frustrating. Being prodded by those damn clicky devices isn’t the same. At the end, the Puritans are to blame for our collective miseries…At least that’s the lie I tell myself.
I first experienced touch hunger while on a corporate business trip in my very early twenties. It was a very foreign concept to me and I had no words for it, I just knew I needed a hug after a week away from home and my partner at the time. The weird part is that my childhood wasn’t a particularly affectionate affair when it came to my parents. I realize now that my siblings satisfied most of the touch requirements.
I suppose I was fortunate during Covid in that I wasn’t alone. I actually enjoyed the experience of being home with no requirements to work or go or be around others.
And that experiment with the monkeys was barbaric. I’ve read about it several times over the years. Poor babies…
Hugs make me run screaming. Don’t even LOOK like you’re going to touch me! If touched unexpectedly, I freeze. (While I think if I should scream or not). I was told that she who birthed me could do whatever she wanted to me, for that reason. Unwanted hand holding, hugging, being too close, and of course whopping the tar out of. Adulthood was FINALLY being able to tell other people to stay the fuck out of my (huge) space. Only the very select are allowed in, and not always. I LOVED Covid for the part about no contact, isolation, and having to stay 6 feet away. While others languished, I was absolutely in my element.
I do enjoy massage therapy, but again, my selected people.
And now I’ve admitted right in public to being some kind of psychopath. Delightful.
Looking forward to it. Sending you love and light!
I’m a massage therapist and I hear this concept from my clients often.
I also personally do not like to be touched. Physically intimacy is something I prefer to keep in navigated monetary sexual spaces.
And yet I give touch (and usually intense deep touch) for $$$. Which I guess I just said I’m good at. Fuck. I need a drink now.
Is there a word missing there or am I not following? 👀
Not sure? I reread and felt like my comment was clear. What needs clarified?
Are you a massage therapist or a sex worker? I'm confused about the 'navigated monetary sexual spaces'
I literally said in my reply I’m a massage therapist. And yes I have also dabbled in BDSM spaces. But never for money. Yet touching people in any way is still intimate and for a monetary exchange in most cases.
And my response also made me go hmmmmmm must think about these things more. I’ll try to be less nuanced in any responses in this space moving forward.
Yes, which is why I was confused by that sentence 😅 Maybe it's an English as a second language thing 🤷♀️
Such a great read!! 👏🙌 omg those monkey experiments and orphan kid studies are SO SAD 😭😭😭 I’ve never thought of myself as a touchy-feely person per se but I DO love cuddles and hand holding and the like. My daughter is 8 and loves to cuddle still, I’m going to be heartbroken when she doesn’t want to do that anymore 😭😭😭
Yep, some people like myself are touch whores, other people are more selective 😉 I'm sure you guys will still be cuddly enough ❤️
Hílot (pronounced Hee-loht) in Tagalog means soothing touch. I learned how to do it from an early age. I retreated from touch for a couple years because I'm just coming out of a cloudy season of life. Maggie. You nailed the message of the importance of touch. -Those poor monkeys!- My cousin is recovering from a cold. I don't remember the last time I embraced him. When I did, the familial-generational-ancestral-genetic-human-love circuit completed. Well done, Maggie.
Oh, how interesting! How do you learn soothing touch? Is it like massage?
And yes it’s so very important, ESPECIALLY when you are going through a rough time. It soothes and grounds us. It even boosts our immune system.
As for the monkeys, I cried multiple times when I dug into his research. It got worse 😓
It’s exactly massage. Same principle; however, looking back it was leaning more towards energy work. And as I speak to you, how grateful I am to have been taught that as a child…and as I continue to write…that’s not normal…and, lastly, that explains being different. I’ll reach out once I get out of this rabbit hole.
Great article! :) I think the world is hug-starved, or broadly touch-starved as you said. COVID yes, and I feel like we haven’t recovered yet. I still feel like there’s social distancing in place it feels. Or has there been a really big shift in what’s acceptable? Like people are nervous to shake hands. In like a biz meeting. It’s weird. Gotta think it’s affecting society as a whole in some psychosocial way. (Yes, I do bathe and use deodorant 😂 )
Yep, I see those changes too. I think Covid didn't help but I also notice more division nowadays (genders, sexuality, politics etc) which probably doesn't help.
I moved to America for all that. You know, here I am British and from a very British family who in the midst of the most horrific trauma that destroyed the family as we know it, also decided to be very stiff upper lip about it.
No. No. No.
I needed something different.
I was 14 when my brothers and step father were killed in a house fire. By the time I was 26 ,I was bat shit crazy with addiction issues and fully aware that if I stayed put it would be the end for me.
I needed someone to hear me (my remaining family was still skirting around the elephant in the room that was now having babies, were still in denial).
Sorry presssed send too early.
Anyway touch seemed way off. I felt that all the other senses got fed before touch. And it’s true. I still get ticklish when people touch me now because of skin hunger in my younger. I still say that what I really craved when I was young when my brothers were killed, wasn’t empty platitudes, it was someone to just hold me and hug me and make me feel secure again.
The lesson? Parents hug your kids. Even if you’re British
I'm sorry that happened to you. I can relate, we are not a 'huggy' family either and so when I 'discovered' hugging with friends and partners, a whole new world opened up. Kinda like an 'open the flood gates' situation.
It’s not even that they’re not huggy. They flat out won’t acknowledge it. Not between each other.
Once upon a time, I told a friend that I don't do hugs. She said: "That's exactly why you need them!" I loved that response so much. But I still don't do hugs.
Hahah well touch can also be a pat on the back, a hand on the arm... Doesn't need to be a hug!
Nope, none of that shit! Do Not Enter the void space.
Depends on the person 🤷♀️
Awesome prose Maggie 👏🏻👏🏻😎
Thank you 🙏
Umm interesting ! There is something in being massaged by a professional it makes you feel very very relaxed you can’t beat it. I used to love giving a massage rather than receiving it ! It’s a pleasure I can’t really explain. I recommend the hot stone massage ! Beautiful !
Giving a massage is great too, I loved doing it. But I still rather receive one haha!
Yes it depends how you feel really and how warm the oil is your using ! Lavender or something else !
Patchouli oil perhaps warmed up ! Low candle light ! 💡
An excellent touching into the importance of touch, so your skin doesn’t crawl away from you as if it does not belong. Touching does help us sink beneath our skin to bone deep rest — at home. Thank you, Maggie — fantastic writing.
Thank you, and yes to the "so your skin doesn't crawl away from you as if it does not belong". That's exactly what it felt like!
It’s tough when you been single a long time with kids that are now teenagers. My daughter Never liked hugs or touching only hair beushing ( for hours help) but I used to get cuddles from my son. Now he’s all big and not cuddly. I reeeeally feel touch deprived my body is not Happy but I don’t miss the sex. At least not now in men-on-pause. Sadly my economy is strained as so many others so I don’t put it on massage.
I totally understand. Sometimes you can get very discounted massages or you could ask a massage school, the students usually need people to practice on 🙏
Try this one in for size. Those who know me will request it. https://danstocke.substack.com/p/lets-smash-our-hearts-together?r=15buwn
Request a hug?
An Ultra-Hug, specifically.
Trained chiropractors being disconnected from the importance of touch is also frustrating. Being prodded by those damn clicky devices isn’t the same. At the end, the Puritans are to blame for our collective miseries…At least that’s the lie I tell myself.
It isn't, for sure 😂 At least there should be SOME touch when someone is prodding you with some kinda device 😉
Or at least have the courtesy of warming the devices up to a temperature that isn't so shocking to the skin and nervous system.
Exactly!
I first experienced touch hunger while on a corporate business trip in my very early twenties. It was a very foreign concept to me and I had no words for it, I just knew I needed a hug after a week away from home and my partner at the time. The weird part is that my childhood wasn’t a particularly affectionate affair when it came to my parents. I realize now that my siblings satisfied most of the touch requirements.
I suppose I was fortunate during Covid in that I wasn’t alone. I actually enjoyed the experience of being home with no requirements to work or go or be around others.
And that experiment with the monkeys was barbaric. I’ve read about it several times over the years. Poor babies…
Same here, but without the touchy-feely siblings. I just had boyfriends and friends for that.
Covid in general wasn't too bad, but the lack of touch I wouldn't wish upon my worst enemy.
Yep, poor things 😞 I won't start with my animal rights spiel but my heart bleeds when I read things like that...
Hugs make me run screaming. Don’t even LOOK like you’re going to touch me! If touched unexpectedly, I freeze. (While I think if I should scream or not). I was told that she who birthed me could do whatever she wanted to me, for that reason. Unwanted hand holding, hugging, being too close, and of course whopping the tar out of. Adulthood was FINALLY being able to tell other people to stay the fuck out of my (huge) space. Only the very select are allowed in, and not always. I LOVED Covid for the part about no contact, isolation, and having to stay 6 feet away. While others languished, I was absolutely in my element.
I do enjoy massage therapy, but again, my selected people.
And now I’ve admitted right in public to being some kind of psychopath. Delightful.
Hahaha nope, my ex was like this too. Some people love it, others don't 😊
I guess my friends keep me around because I give the best hugs haha. Informative read!
Probably not just that 😉 But it's a good skill to have and it should be acceptable to put it on resumes imho 😁
It really should be. I would get hired everywhere haha
Hahahaha me too! Damn, damn
Not by ME😂🤣
Naaah you'd love us either way 😉