Hey there my fellow fireworks brainers!
I do actually have an offer for you, but let me help you get rid of that (literal) pain in your ass first.
Two weeks ago, I started getting this pain in my shoulder. I injured this shoulder a while ago by being a little too enthusiastic when practicing falls, so I figured it could have something to do with that. But, seeing as I was a sports massage therapist* for years, I decided I’d inspect my shoulder muscles first. And boy oh boy, did I find me some deliciously painful trigger points.
Not many people know about trigger points. They are nasty little hobbitses ‘knots’ in your muscles which can show you a whole new world of pain from their ouchie carpet. They often develop because of overuse or injury in nearby muscles or joints and can do anything from mimicking musculoskeletal conditions to triggering digestive issues.
So far I’ve had trigger point pain cause me to think I had:
A tooth infection (trigger point in my masseter)
A herniated disc in my lower back (trigger points in my quadratus lumborum)
Sciatica (trigger point in my piriformis)
Carpal tunnel (trigger points in my wrist and finger flexors)
Serious esophageal disease (a fuckbucket of trigger points in a bunch of muscles around my neck)
And this time, a frozen shoulder. I couldn’t even lift my arm without asking for my mommy, and trust me, I never ask for my mommy. So, I started massaging the muscles around my shoulder. Guess which little fuckers were causing all of that pain? Some supraspinatus, infraspinatus and teres minor trigger points. I am happy to announce that I can now lift my arm again.
Even if you do have some kind of injury, I can guarantee you that the trigger points that popped up around the site of the injury are making your pain much, much worse. So if you are in pain right now, it could be a good idea to visit a qualified sports massage therapist, physiotherapist, or osteopath and ask them if they can find any trigger points to work on. Also, tell them to use styrofoam (christmas) balls instead of the sex toy-looking things. They are much gentler, but get the job done. Trigger point therapy, I mean.
Also, I recently had a great chat with the lovely
and which made me realize it’s important to take marketing a little more seriously. The only problem is that marketing makes me want to take a shower with bleach, wash my mouth with soap, and get a station irrigation a.k.a. colon cleansing.Why? Oh I don’t know. My parents telling me self-employed people are basically the devil’s anus hairs because they ‘all cheat on their taxes and that’s why they have so much money’, and that working until your tits fall off without pay self-sacrifice is the bees knees, maybe.
Well, fuck the bees and their knees (I’m kidding bees, don’t leave us please). I’m an EMCC-certified life & health coach with 1500+ hours of coaching experience, and have been helping people to feel happy, healthy and in control of their lives for years now.
Coaching might not be as sexy as a new smartphone, but it creates beautifully positive changes, as you can see from the testimonial below. So from now on I’ll occasionally be talking about what I do, and I got an offer for you to celebrate that.
📃 How I work:
In short: I help you get your SHEET together by working on your Structure, Health, Environment, Emotions and Thoughts (huzzah for funny acronyms!).
We connect online for face-to-face coaching sessions in which we clarify what you want and need, find strategies to reach your goals, and create a weekly plan of action. I support you by asking annoying insightful questions, connecting the dots, and keeping you accountable via chat-based check-ins. This is what one of my clients said about our work together:
🎯 What I specialize in:
• ADHD & executive functioning
• Stress management
• Work-life balance
• Confidence
• Career changes
• Health & habit formation
• Creative swearing - bringing words like shitstick & twatfish to you since 2024
🎁 The offer:
Right now I am offering 20% off my 10-week Life Changer package (was $1200, now $960) and 6-week Life Booster package (was $900, now $720), if purchased before June 8th. Send me a message or an email if you’re interested, and we can have a free half-hour coffee chat for you to ask any questions you have - no strings attached. To see everything that is included in the packages, check out my website.
Talk soon!
*Side note: massage has been proven to be beneficial for people with ADHD, it improves mood and attention and reduces stress and anxiety. Plus you don’t feel like a crowbar any more. Just sayin’.
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.PS: I can’t get paid via Substack for the work that I do because of where I live, so you can become a paid subscriber or… buy me a coffee via my Buy Me A Coffee profile. Thank you for your support!
Maggie is great, I worked with her too and she helped me clarify what I wanted to do with my life. I highly recommend her! Thank you so much for your help!
Maggie, I enjoyed our conversation, too. I hear you on the marketing. Nobody decided to create because they loved marketing.